danger in the shores, ring in the courage

You shouldn’t have done that
I’m pacing.
Back and forth.
Back and forth
and I hear the sea laughing.
The sea,
whom I love,
who knows me.
Cunt.
I thought I did it right.
I ripped my heart out.
I held it high
up over me
as I waded in.
As my toes tingled
in your murky shallow shore.
I moved on
and sank a little more.
Into your wet
and you were beautiful
I didn’t have to open my eyes.
I felt my way.
I felt you around my thighs,
then my waist
guiding me further.
My arms were stretched
above my head,
you pinned them there
and you see,
they were still holding my heart,
so high,
you couldn’t reach it
and you were inside me,
kissing my breasts
and the waves were crashing,
they were fucking smashing,
you’re violent in your gentleness
and you know how to play
and your mouth reached to my ears
and I stretched to breathe
as you whispered,
as you wrapped
yourself around me
and pulled me down,
into the dark
and I forgot it up there,
just for a moment
though its beats were so loud
I let it drop
saw it sink,
down into the dark.
I untangled myself
from your forrest of arms
I dove after it,
I grabbed it tight.
We came back up with a splash,
my heart and I
and I carried it back to shore,
laid it under the sun
We coughed up sea water from our lungs
and I tucked it in
at 6pm
while I pace.
Back and forth
back and forth
willing it to sleep it off
make it through the night
and I hear you laugh
while I suck on a spoon,
clench a jar of peanut butter,
turn it up,
the music,
drowning out the voices
in my head.
I told you so